The Heart.

no long explanation... 

i just miss home, and im tired of wanting things that i can't have or get back.

I miss bluebell and the times i had there so much..

i know i've been blessed and have had and still do have so many opportunities.. 

but sometimes, i just want simple.. maybe i miss it so much because i can't remember any pain or bad experiences there.. 

and i know that hypothetically speaking if i did return to bluebell. it would be totally different. but would it be home still? 

It's hard being torn between two places that i love. the one that i knew and grew up loving, and the other i grew to love.

I feel like such a baby writing this because its so old and immature maybe...and i don't understand why i miss it so much, why i crave that feeling of home and family so much.

is it because of the crave for change, or is this something really in me. really a part of me.

im sick of being confuzed about my feelings and not knowing where i belong.. i feel so lost..

i know i want my family. and i know that will be extremely good for me (going back), they mean a lot to me. but would all my voids be filled by this? i imagine it could be. by creating stronger bonds, etc...

i hope it could be. i hope it does. I don't like feeling lost, and Out of place.. im afraid of people being dissapointed in me on so many different levels, and that just all adds on to it.. 

i don't even know what to call this all, that feels as if its pileing up, or being put in a storage house, and there's just not enough room anymore. 

Its hard feeling all this. i want it to be enough. it should be enough. 

but there is a reason for everything. maybe this is something i need to live with at this time and find happiness through..

I feel like such a pessimist writing all of this, so negative all the time. 

I do look on the bright side though. i do. how else could i have developed a love for people and life here... but sometimes. it just cracks.

I think im done ranting, 

now that im done, i feel better, and excited to see my family again. i know that my family is the most important thing. and i know it can fill all voids... holes.. dents.. scratches.. i don't know how else to call it. The love of a family, and the love you have for your family, is possibly the best feeling you can ever find. and that love can always grow stronger.

I still feel like a baby though. but hey. i guess we all feel pain sometimes.

anyway im gonna go get back to work, folding laundry etc.

I'm so ready to experience new things :) im really excited for it.

Don't know a title, so i'll use this one

Sooooo, i've lived in holland for 5 years and week.

 

it's pretty strange to think so much time has passed by, so fast, but at times so slow.. 

 

Today im gonna talk with Heleen about America, if there's time.. 

I have to keep convincing myself that this is my decision and no one can make it for me. 

that i need to do this for myself.. 

maybe things will be easier after i tell her what my plans are. 

Man im gonna miss these kids so much, they're such great kids. They make me laugh a lot, they really do feel like little brothers.

Today, Fokke had his Music class presentation and we were workin on this song for him to play on the piano, anyway, the teacher usually doesn't give any higher than 6's as grades, and when i went to bring Fokke his ipod cuz he txted me and asked me if i could, he came out with this big smile, and said, ''so i had music class'',  then i asked him what score he got and he got an 8!!! ITS SO AWESOME. the teacher told him he has real talent, i think that he does too, he seems to remember it all very well and how it needs to be played and he can hear what sounds good and such, he should keep it up :) we were workin on that assignment of his for weeks! im really proud of him! i think i'll buy him some chocolate to celebrate :P

It'll be really strange leaving Europe.. it's become a part of me.. i don't really know anything else.. (besides bluebell etc.) like mom said, i'll be torn between two countries all my life.

6 months to just enjoy the time i have here.. and to stabilize new habits im trying to create, as in a workout schedule, study schedule etc.

ok well im gonna go and get thijs's hockey clothes ready :)

i'll post later how it went.

--lizzie

Marley and Me

MOVIE! it was seriously one of the best movies i have ever seen!!! 

i swear if you don't walk out of the movie wanting to go get a dog of your own there is something wrong with you!!

STRONGLY ADVISED MUST SEE MOVIE! :D

 i love what he says at the end. its so true. anyway Duco and i went and saw it

and now im going to bed. but dang i love  that movie it made a great impression!

Things that make me smile :)

-When wisse brought be tea cuz i was sick, it was soo sweet!, and just his funny remarks

-Thijs, when he asked me if he could go downstairs, and i said, wait for a minute until i get something ( can't remember what it was) and he sits down and then about 5 minutes later he was like '' Elisabeth, it is already 4 minutes geweest''  get it , for a minute, -4 minutes haha it was so cute i just had to laugh and say oh wow your right!

-Thijs, the other day when he felt he had something in his throat pointed to it, and wisse said, '' thats just your apple'' (adam's apple) and thijs looks at him all innocently kind of worried look on his face, and says, but i didn't even eat an apple!

-Seein' the Koppe's yesterday in Church here in A'dam :D

THE SUN! (it's actually shone.. shined.. ? for the past 2 days and 3 countin today :D)

-flowers i bought myself LOL.

-thinking of my future, getting a diploma, license etc. I'm pretty excited.

-The D&C it's actually pretty fun to read. :)

- Fokke and his humor LOL ok, last week, we were putting away groceries, and i ask him to put away these to packets of pasta saus well he's telling me this story at the same time and keeps getting distracted and just sets them down every time after i remind him about it somewhere else in the kitchen instead of just settin them in the pantry, so finally about after the 6th time he got distracted by his story he was tellin me i was like '' oh my heck! lol !'' and pick them up and put them in the pantry myself.  then after laughin about it for a minute i go put away other groceries, and like 10 minutes afterwards,  after all the stuff is put away i was about to go upstairs when i look at the table and on it are the two packets AGAIN!! lol he went back in the pantry and got them out without me noticing, he was laughin pretty hard about it, it was seriously one of the funniest things!! lol! OHH  and then him always wanting to spray his shin guards in my room so that his room wont Stink LOL yeah lots of stuff like that. 

--Sister Highem and Sister Owen! they're my buds they can brighten my day even when i wasn't expecting it! man i love them im gonna cry when sister highem leaves in 4 months.. sister owen still has another year though.

-Subway's. always... i think i'll go there today LOL.