Lately I've been thinking what I want to do with my life, and at the moment I'm just standing still.. not going out there and living my life to the fullest, completing my goals, sure I mean I'm Developing talents which is also important but I could also be doing that anywhere.
I'm not going into what has made me make this decision or rather consider making it, because that doesn't matter anymore. What matters is me being me to the fullest, if that makes any sense at all. There are so many reasons why I've made this Decision, and when I think of them, they bring me this sense of understanding, and more complete feeling.. Last year I thought I was moving to the States, but it wasn't time for me yet, and I'm glad I came back last year, because I had the opportunity to grow a stronger testimony, and have become firmer in the church than I ever imagined I could..and also come to know many things I will be able to use in life, that I would have never learned had I moved back to the States last year. And these coming months I have it is nice to know I still have time to prepare myself mentally, and emotionally for this big change. Enjoy the time I have.
I've Decided to move back to the States in end September beginning October. I'm Going to go and stay with my sister Yolanda until she helps me get on my feet. I have to many opportunities coming that I'm more than excited for!!! things that I will regret if I don't take this chance!
I'll be getting my GED, and start taking College classes after that, basic of course. And go on from there. Get my Drivers license also. I'm ready to Make another step in my life, I'm Ready for another change. And if it feels right, and makes me feel more complete and assured knowing i will be fulfilling my goals, I should do it. And I know people will tell me ''well you can do it here'' .. no . I cant. I've tried, there are so many things that hold me back from fulfilling my goals here. preventing me from doing it. And why deal with that when i don't need to?..
Of course I'm going to miss my friends here more than they know. but i convince myself to look at this through an eternal perspective. ..
I Need to do this.
I can't keep trying to please other people through my decisions, when it is not theirs.
I need to follow what I feel I need to do..
and other reasons are also that .. I need my family.. and I mean sure I have my parents here and I really value that, believe me.. but its not complete....
Anyway, so this is my big Decision: Moving back to America, towards the end of the year.
I have thought this through. and prayed about it, and I feel its my decision. it feels right.. believe me if I could I would stay here just to please the people who want me here, heck I would even stay here if my bosses asked me to, because well I'm a softie like that, and I tend to put other peoples wants for me, before my desires for myself.
Like last year at the eye doctor, he asked me if a thing was better the ''1 or 2'' 3 or 4'' bla bla bla, and I said ''yeah that's fine'' while I couldn't see just because I don't know subconsciously I wanted to please him, and not put any burden on him, even though I know its his job even though after Michelle explained what I did I realized how dumb it was, I didn't do it intentionally LOL haha..
...anyway if you want to know that story you'll need to ask Michelle..
this time I'm going to do something for me.
Follow my wants.. I'm not going to say '' for once'' because I've had many opportunities to take this and follow my goals, so that would just be ridiculous, but for once I'm not going to be a softie with my own life. I'm not a pushover I don't let people take advantage of me.. if I mind I do stop it when they try. Its just. I don't know maybe it has something to do with being the youngest, everyone always knew what I should do and I would just follow their decisions for me which were great,.. but now that im old enough and see that it is my own decision, I wont be persuaded ( there it is that's the right word) to do what other others think is best for me. I do Appreciate their opinions and their wants for the best for me, I do. but I don't want to constantly have this inner conflict. just let me try...
even now it seems like I'm trying to convince others to let me make my own decision. haha. .. it's Ridiculous..
It's nice to know. this is my life. and my decisions.
I don't mean to hurt anyone. I love all the people in my life immensely.
but I need to do this. Please respect my decision and don't try and make this harder for me than it already is.. I'm already fighting not to follow what other people think is best for me..
Anyway. I'm Excited to take this opportunity. excited to follow my goals..
for once I'm not Scared of Failure.
You only fail if you stop trying.
--Love, Lizzie.
p.s. no Michelle I haven't told them yet, I'm thinking of an appropriate time to do it this year. like june/july or something.
