Perseverance

There are days when I wake up and have no desire to put forth an effort.. I sense this cloud of gloom and guiltiness hanging around me as I get up to perform the daily tasks, knowing full well I need to prepare for the spiritual tasks which in front of me that need to be faced. Along with this cloud is also the distrust, anxiety, hostility formulating itself within.. It's moments like these that I know prayer would break the chains hanging around.

I then have two choices, and i'm not gonna lie, sometimes.. ok a lot of the time, I chose to go throughout the day utterly wasting my time on meaningless things, thinking it'll get better, that this is a self inflicted depression.. and I can still find some happiness regardless, later on i realize or make myself realize that's not the case, and i then feel because i chose not to face it, i have lost the right to. because things have been carried out a little to long, so I wait for the next day, or the right opening to make restitution, thinking that's the proper way..

Days like that are complete nonsense.. they're true, they happen, sometimes satan succeeds to blind us, with this nonsense, guilt, anxiety, and lack of esteem to get up reach for that Man who gladly fulfilled His mission for our freedom from such feelings.

Truth is are we Willing to see beyond that mist? See what we really want and how we are going to get it, and Actually take action on it, and not wait for it to come about, by thinking it will get better, even if it is a self inflicted sorrow, guilt from laziness, pride, or any other sin, there is no better time to turn to savior for help, even if we feel we aren't sorry, and feel can't be forgiven because our sins are to great and to many, and sometimes we may feel we don't really even care and it is what it is..change is to long and to hard..

his Sacrifice was still GIVEN to rid us even of those feelings. If we are to come and be perfected in him, we do not need to be in the perfect state of heart no matter in what form our heart may be in, we do not need to be perfect before calling upon his name for help.

We are who decides how close the forgiveness is in our lives.

Are we gonna choose to stay blind, stay unreasonable? or Call upon a high power to release us from our cold, sleep, or coma.. to change from apathy, and awaken that light in us once again to battle against the devils? claim our right to return to our father, to come to a perfect state, and to be with those we love forever?

Giving our all in life, will only happen once, the time lost we can never get back again, the only way to move is forward.

''Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord: Thought your sins may be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.''

If in ANY moment you feel a spark of emotion for the things which are dear to you, a spark of desire or regret.. anything pertaining to the gospel and who you are, Grab it. no matter what you are doing, acknowledge it and put effort in it, even if that may be a small prayer even if without words, acknowledge it, and put it into prayer, there is no perfect way of doing these things,..

The only way to prove strength in this world, within ourselves and around us is Perseverance, in the effort into what needs to be done, for what we need and want.

'' Be not overcome with evil, but overcome evil with good'' -- Romans 12:21

it is difficult for all of us..

..I could chose to give up, lose hope on those I love, i've had many opportunities to.. to take their examples as my own,.. and sometimes there are parts in me that wishes i could do that, thinking with some strange illusion that that would make us all together and happy, and perfect in our own way, that we would be together and that's all that would matter...

but i REFUSE even with my imperfections, with all that pain and grief i have carried for so long, even if that burden should not be mine to bear, to believe that lie, ..i chose to see beyond that mist, beyond that illusion that satan has tried and still does try to lay before me, even more so now that i have chosen to serve a mission..

Every time you fall to your knees, or force yourself down, you have conquered satan one more time.

Happiness lies in the Power & the Love & the Sweet Simplicity of Virtue.

'' But if ye will turn to the Lord with full purpose of Heart, and put your trust in him, and serve him with all diligence of mind, if ye do this he will, according to his own will and pleasure. deliver you out of bondage '' -- Mosiah 7;33

Wow, has my life changed.. my heart has changed so much, it's amazing to me..

so much has been happening as well, well at least with my decisions for life lol..

I can't describe in one blog how i've been feeling or how i've been changing because most of those feelings and changes are personal, but I know that the Savior truly does take and has taken my sins and burdens upon him...I am so grateful for my Savior, that he was willing to die to pay for my mistakes that it would still be possible for me to return to my father, even with imperfections, as long as It give my all, with all the diligence and faith that I have, and put in the Lord. To trust in him in everything, and not lean to my own understanding. Granted I have not made any Mistake that would jeopardize my spiritual standing, but what sort of mistake is not a mistake that needs forgiving?

These past months, years, i've been learning so much, so many differences between trying and absolutely giving it my all. giving my all means putting my trust in Him in All things, in my thoughts, in my actions, my prayers, putting him first before everything else. Even if that means getting up earlier to have personal prayer, or have scripture study before checking my e-mail.. Heavenly Father Truly see's and knows what we need and is willing to and wants to bless us if we follow him. I've lost count of the blessing's i've received these past weeks.. It's amazing how perfectly and brightly the path of life can be if we walk with such things as Trust and Diligence... I'm grateful that I can still ask for help even after I make mistakes.

because I know he is full of love and mercy.

I know he has satisfied the demands of justice through and because of that Love, I know he is always willing to help no matter what the situation might be, as long as I humble myself and have gratitude recognizing that I need his help to overcome my trials. My heart is filled and I desire to give glory to Heavenly Father forever.. he truly is Majestic.

As you all probably know I was supposed to go my mission next year as I had been planning since I was 15... well turns out thats not what the Lord has in mind for me, (yet?)..

I actually-- well to make a really long story short, I feel that I need to move back home to Utah and go to College. so thats what i'm going to do.

At first I'd been feeling really guilty and bummed out about not going on a mission (yet?),

but for a while now, I feel Heavenly Father wants me to get my education in.

I AM excited for this new adventure though, and it will definitely be an adventure, i'm super excited to start the trek of being even more independent, I am craving the challenges that I know it will bring, and the fact that I know I will be working harder, and that is such a great motivation for me! I feel this is a great opportunity for me. :)

I'm so thankful I've been on my own out here in Amsterdam! I'm grateful i've learned to just keep going, and not lose it lol, I mean you can't exactly give up when you're taking care of 3 kids and there's laundry that needs to be done. :) I'm grateful i've had this time moving here and living here in The Netherlands to prepare, and gain a testimony in the past 6 year's that i've been here. I feel so blessed to have had this opportunity and I hope, I'm prayin that I can give back as much as I feel I have been given, while I am still here..I'll be moving back sometime between this year December and February next year.. I haven't yet decided which would be best. Anyway i'll be going to Price, Utah and attending CEU (hopefully, I'm working on my application. if not looks like it'd be UVU or something)

well there are a lot of other topics and things goin on that I would like to get to but i ran outta time, I hope everyone's well, I love you all!

Love Lizzie.

Something more Important

I'm not gonna talk about physical fitness, Instead I want to talk about something more important.

It's amazing how boring life can seem when one is Pessimistic, or not enthusiastic about life. How sleep can affect our mood or opinions, How easily we can judge another even in the smallest ways possible, even ourselves at times.. How fast a person can be hurt, How easily it is to forget or be blinded from the things that really matter. How one moment someone can be so strong and the next so weak. How change creates a reaction in all of us..

How stress can be lethal if you let it.

How much you can learn in such a short amount of time.

Life is Hard. I used to think life would be easy and fun if it weren't for all the drama people bring into it. But thats what life is, its drama, its trials, its motivation, pushing yourself. working harder. Lately i've come to terms that life isn't going to be any easier as I go through it, but i've been finding a way to make it Clearer. Emotions, actions, thoughts, our whole existence is so big, I don't think i'll even be able to comprehend it all. I'd like to, but it's impossible.. So is perfection in this life.

I've learned, i'm still learning, to be okay not being perfect, being okay with the fact that i've made mistakes and that i'll make more.. and being okay with always working to better the things i'm weak with, and trying harder.. I guess that's what needs to happen.. everything that happens to us in life, is for our good, If we allow it to be. It depends on how we handle the situations around us. How we react.. I've learned it's okay to Cry when you need to Cry.. Hurt when you need to Hurt, Run when you need to Run and Live to try more Vividly when you don't think you can.. Life is one big ball of pain. It's finding the beauty and the joy within that that is difficult. Granted a lot of it has to do with our attitude towards life, But putting aside our own feelings, and thinking about what we're here for.. putting away all the self pity and selfishness that we absorb, and thrive off of at times even if we don't admit it even to ourselves. We're here to look past the pain. and push forward with inner strength, to see others with love, love them even with their faults, look past their faults, and leave them blameless. I'm learning how to do this.. it's hard.. I've realized there is so much good in people.. granted they can have issues and a lot of things that irritate, and have made a lot of mistakes but, looking aside from that, no, looking past that, and accepting that, Loving that person or those people, is so important. Love is a Powerful thing, for ourselves and for others. It eases the pain of this life.. the pain that we've had and still see going on.. The hurt we've had.. it takes real inner strength to love a person even after being hurt. I admire those who can and do. Love is worrying for another's peace of mind, Love is looking at another through the Savior's eyes. Regardless of who they are. Looking past the weaknesses, and past mistakes, past the things they have done to us or another. Looking past the irritating things that person, or people can do. And just flat out admiring them for the good they do have. And the light that they HAVE acquired. Love isn't looking on the outside.. at all. It's been said over and over, that beauty is on the inside.. and all those other cheesy statements. But in order to Feel Real Peace in this life, and to feel Real love for our God and Others to accept ourselves and forget our pain and our hurt, to have a pure heart, and pure intentions and desire for the well being of others, the people we love, .. is to see others for who they really are, really we're, not in the past, but in the life before, to see them as pure and clean.. and to admire their potential for who they really Can be and to admire the things and trials they have conquered in this life..Doing this is the opposite of judging. even in the smallest case. Look past the weaknesses, (don't forget them, chose those you surround yourself with wisely, but don't let remembering them (the weaknesses) turn your heart to anything other than Honest Kindness.) But Looking past all that. IS love. and Creates a peacefulness around us, in our hearts, in our homes, in our relationships, and undoubtedly creates peace, and desire for good in another.

It's so easy to get irritated and frustrated and to jump up to attack at the first open window, to lash back at those who have hurt us even in the most minor case. to think so easily anything judgemental even in the most minor case about another...

if we could only change that, How peaceful could our lives be?...

This change doesn't happen in a second, in an hour, in one day, a week, its a process, of the changing of our repetition of thoughts, and it takes focus and concentrating on a persons strengths, or focusing on the Love or Light that IS in them, that they have been given as we have been given, focus on the mercy that we've been given, the mercy they are given as well. Who are we to be higher than another? who are we to hate another?.. who are we to assume the bad and Doubt the good of another or their intentions?..

When that final day comes, we will want to be judged fairly, mercifully, kindly.. who are we not to show that to another?

The statement do to others as you would have done unto you can't be any truer.

Think of others as you would have them think unto you,

assume of others as you would have them assume of you,

treat others as you would have them do to you,

confront others as you would like to be confronted.. ..

pick a word.

There are a lot of people in life who don't even want to do this at all.. but it is necissary in order to feel relaxed, peaceful, and joyful in this life, it is Necissary if we want to constant companionship of the spirit.. is is neccissary to forgive another if we want or need forgiveness... It is necissary to do this in order to be able to look at our Savior with an honest Love and an honest Gratitude.

It's never going to go perfectly. but with humility in our hearts, not just towards Heavenly Father, but towards all man, we can look past the imperfections of this and just keep trying and working at it. Not letting ourselves hold ourselves back. Not letting the sorrow of our weaknesses or sorrow of our Past sins hold us back, Not letting the judgements of others of us hold us back. But to be constantly diligent in becoming better.. becoming who we are meant to be, who we were meant to be since before we can remember in this life. And to fulfill our requirements and learn the lessons we need to learn Today, and in the years to come.

It's amazing how one little thing can change a whole perspective.

and its amazing how one little action or reaction can have effect on the feeling or joy of another.

I want to make that effect a one that will create something better, and not make it worse than it had been in the first place... to heal and not weaken..

anyway this was a long blog but oh well.. just thought I would share something entirely more important.

Love,

Elisabeth

15 & other stuff

Alright well it's actually less than 15 now.. about 14 and a half lol.

This weekend the family is leaving for France for a week, i'm stayin the weekend to take care of the dog, then either sunday night or monday morning i'm headin over to mom and pop's house stayin till friday morning or Midday with them and be back again in the weekend to pick up the dog from Celeste (my bosses' friend :) ) so that'll be fun :)

I SO cannot wait until summer, seriously can we just skip spring and go straight to summer?

It is way to cold outside, it snowed yesterday about an inch.. then melted then snowed double that again. and now the sun is shining yay! (which i'm happy about because its shinin through my window, and im wearing a black shirt so i'm absorbin it like you wouldn't believe!) SUN has a HUGE effect on peoples moods. I never realized that before. I have never wanted it to be sunny outside so much in my life as I do now! because it has a HUGE effect on how I feel lately :)

I still love my job, it's goin good :) it feels good to be working, I love having responsibility and taking care of things..

OH yeah so about SCHOOL, I found this Wedding planner school thing, and I can do it at home which would be PERFECT.. my boss still kinda would rather have me to do nursing school, but since I didn't really hear anything back from them.. besides that, I want to develop my talents.. i've been told i'm creative, and I do like planning.. A LOT.

I'm always making lists, and charts and attempting to make things..and planning all these things, (like this whole '16 week plan' lol)

I think it would be really good for me. and it would keep me happy and busy, which I need. :) so I want to do that for sure. :) i'm actually really excited about that.. i'll tell Heleen and Arjen after their vacation that this is definitely what I want to do :)

OH good news! I found where I can watch Supernatural season 5 online i'm on Episode 6 haha yay!

just thought you'd like to know that :D

(londa you should hurry and watch 6 episodes of it, i'll wait, then we can watch it kinda at the same time :) oh my heck in episode 4 Castiel (i think it was 4) cracks me up hahaha :P you will Love it :D it's still pretty much amazing. :) )

SO I finally got all my stuff for Weight Watchers here, it's so different. I got a mini binder haha, and I think I was more excited about Decorating the thing than actually opening it and seeing what was inside, which was just the week tracker books and a food guide thing, and a couple other advice books, :) it's all adjusted to suit with the Dutch food :)

so it has like all the points for everything in one book, they don't have a slider thing to check how many points something is, everything that you can eat basically is marked down in that book so it's really easy :D they're doing a new program called Pro points :)

Alright so last week I weighed in, at 72,5 kilo's.. I feel like a cow,

and this week was 73,3 .. which is like a pound and a half gained.. of course this time I had jeans on last time I had sweat pants and I ate like it was my job in the weekend.... i'm pretty much a bottomless pit. And i'm not even joking.

When I got there EVERYONE knew me. it was insane! I didn't even meet anyone last week, I just met one of the coaches, yolanda. (not you yolanda, lol that was her name lol). I guess she told everyone about me and so I had a lot of people coming up to me and saying hi and introducing themselves, and of course every time I go to W.W. (pfft ''everytime'' haha i've been Twice.) I'm all energized and hyped up and totally in a motivated mood, 'cause I just got off my bike after getting there super fast, and knowin' I have to be back to put thijs in bed (which is kinda sad cuz I can't stay for the meeting.. ) oh and they don't call it a meeting, they call it an ''onder onsje'' in english its kinda like ''among us'', .. in a cozy sense, or under us , kinda like what happens in vegas stays in vegas.. lol..but.... only it's not like vegas at all.....

? .. yeah okay i can't explain it. if anyone know's how to feel free to lol.

ANYWAY so I found out that if i can lose a kilo (2.2 Lbs) a week, I will reach my weight goal by my birthday :D yay. I even made a chart for it but I wont type that up haha yeah i'm kinda sad like that..

alright thats pretty much it :)

i'll write again in 2 weeks (since i can't go to WW next week)

love lizzie

16 weeks :D

Sixteen weeks till what you might wonder?

Contrary to what you might be thinking, with the new trend and all, lol I am NOT pregnant. LOL.

WELL i will tell you,

It is Sixteen Weeks until I turn 20 years old, no longer a teenager, no longer the old me, starting now i'm going to be stronger than i've ever been and ever tried to be,

my new years resolutions are going PERFECTLY so far!

(except for the no chocolate for a year... i kinda caved by the 8th.. )

my scripture study, my prayers, and everything with work, i'm keeping it all up great!

Now it's time to work on myself, change the attributes that I don't like in myself, and develop the traits that I want to have!

This year for myself, i'm Studying charity, Since i've decided this i've recognized it a lot more in my life, and realized a lot of things I need to change in myself in order to develop into my personality.

ALSO i'm joining Weight watchers over here, :D

On Tuesday, since thats the only day the closest one to me is open, granted its open at like 7:30 at night making me have to weigh in in the evening, but I don't mind,

ANYWAY another AWESOME fact is, is that, I have the possibility of losing this these 30 lbs in the 16 weeks until my birthday!

Seriously! isn't that AWESOME! it'll be the perfect fresh healthier start :) and these 16 weeks is the perfect amount of time to start changing things I want to change in my life :) and a perfect beginning to applying important and neccissary views, that i feel i need to apply. :)

ANYWAY, i'm just so excited about all this, the whole 16 weeks thing, 16 has been my favorite number for the longest time haha so that makes it EVEN BETTER :P

SO if i want to reach my goal weight, like EXACTLY by my birthday (16 weeks lol think ya got that), i'd have to lose 2 pounds a week, it's Totally doable, and if not, I will MAKE it be doable :)

anyway thats it, I will blog my weigh-ins every Tuesday, keeping you updated on my progress through these 16 AWESOME weeks :D

i am SO excited!

love lis